Make lemonade

I don’t know if it’s that I am not feeling well at the moment I have blocked sinuses and laryngitis, but I feel like life is giving lemons. Do you ever have a time when you think to yourself it seems to be one thing after another, and then look at other people and think their lives seem so much better. I know that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side but sometimes it would be nice to experience that lush green grass! Gosh I seem to be quoting a lot of cliches but I feel my life is in limbo waiting for my operation date.

I remember when I told family and friends that I had to give up work their reactions were of that it was going to be this marvellous thing, lie ins,lunches and coffee mornings. But they couldn’t have been more wrong(don’t get me wrong to a certain degree there is the latter)it’s trying to get the motivation to get up in the morning the housework that can wait for another day as you have all week to do it. Then especially at my age not fitting into a group too old to be with the mums and toddlers as yours have grown, too young for older people as your not even 50 and then your friends are at work! So here you are trying to know where you fit in in the world.

So upon moving to Bottesford I thought how great it was to come to a village with so much going on. I joined the craft group and met a lovely group of ladies (of which I now call many my friends) who made me feel welcome, I am not much of a drawer or painter but I like to try things and sometimes we get very creative. Through the craft group I found The faith group, a group of ladies that meet to support each other and spend time with God, yes I am a Christian but I am not a bible basher(which I have been called and I remember coming back from church at where we used to live and our next door neighbour being outside and asking where had we been so early on a Sunday morning and when we replied church he physically took a step back!) I enjoy going but I am not here to preach or force my beliefs on others unless you want to know more. I might blog our testimony on how John and I came to Christ but that’s it.

But I wanted to join the book club of which the village had three but when I called to join was told that two were full and the third did have a vacancy(first apparently in 7 years!) So a lovely lady came to see me but unfortunately it wasn’t for me as my friends and family know I like to chat and have a laugh I didn’t want to have to write a essay about the book I wanted it to be more of a group of friends. So I decided to set up my own book club so Women,wine & words was born and too my delight we have 12 members and have been running for nearly three years now. Now this is where I have to confess I love my book club the ladies are fantastic and we have had some great meetings(in the local pub) but if you ask me how many of the books I have read out of the 28 books we have chosen. well are you ready I have read 1 in the month I should have read it, watched the film version of another, when it came to my choice I chose something I had already read! So truthfully just 1 yes you read right. But my ladies are fantastic about it and we do have a laugh.

 

A sunny day for the 1st May

So today has been weird, I feel shattered and a pin cushion as it took four attempts and two nurses to get some blood! You see the down side of being super morbidly obese oh yes I am now super(first time I have been called super) morbidly obese which is why I am on the waiting list for Gastric Bypass surgery.

Please don’t think this is an easy option as it is truly not, it’s taken years for me to even get on the waiting list, and now my next step is that I must have blood tests and then hopefully I will get a date this year. The only problem is that my veins do not play ball when it comes to blood tests, it runs in my family on the female side, so it took two visits four attempts(this time) and two nurses, but it done so one step closer to surgery.

I have tried every diet healthy eating plan out there but nothing worked not even getting divorced! People think that it’s easy once to you have the bypass surgery but believe me I have had to comes to terms with that I will never eat a full meal again, some food will be out-of-bounds, some I won’t be able to digest, I could suffer from dumping syndrome which can make you really ill and even pass out, I could get an infection as its major surgery and not to mention the pain plus it won’t help me to lose all the weight I need to lose. My life is going to completely change but do you know I think it will be worth it just for that fact that I will get to spend quality time with my Grandsons and live longer.

I am very lucky though as, as yet I don’t have any obesity related illness, I don’t have diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol but I am being tested hence being shattered for sleep apnea so last night I was wired up with a black box on my chest, finger oxygen tracker, nasal cannula and microphone. I was shocked about the mic as the nurse said that it records everything snoring voices everything, so well I burped which I apologised for broke wind twice, apologised as the mic became disconnected, woke my hubby up looking for Jasper as I thought the machine had killed him, went to the toilet and finally asked my hubby to turn over as he was snoring, so it was an invent full night and I hope who ever listens to my recording gets a laugh.

The illnesses that I do have and live with everyday and why I had to give up work in 2009 are the following (sorry it’s not self pity but my life). I have depression unfortunately like I have touched on in my other blogs mental illness is in our family but mine is controlled by antidepressants and I usually know when I need them upped. Fibromyalgia which is a chronic pain syndrome which affects me in different ways from muscle spasms, fibro brain fog, fatigue, insomnia and pain that painkillers don’t touch, some days it’s hard to just get out bed. MS newly diagnosed they think fibromyalgia was masking it somehow so getting used to seeing the difference. RLS which is restless leg syndrome, jump and twitchy legs. And then osteoarthritis in both knees that need replacing but because of my weight I can’t have done, and because of the arthritis my mobility is poor so I am in a catch 22 really.

So please feel free to ask questions and if you want to know more let me know, will blog again soon xx