“Do you have tea with the Queen?”

I was Born in Cuckfield Hospital in Sussex on the 2nd of June 1969 we lived in Ifield near Crawley in West Sussex and I vaguely remember certain aspects of living there I remember it was where my sister was born she was born in Crawley hospital and sometimes I can remember certain things but I don’t know if it’s you know when you’ve been told the tale so many times that it becomes a memory or you actually do remember it.  I do remember sitting in my high chair and apparently I was copying all the actions my dad was doing and then the doorbell went and my mum answered the door and I do vaguely remember that but I’ve been told the story so many times of me copy my dad’s actions he would put his hands on his head and so would I then he would put his fork down and I’ll put mine down so I do remember that. I don’t however remember, but I have been told that for some reason when I started toddling(my mum must’ve been outside the front of our house with me and I must’ve been playing ) she said that at some point I accidentally went and had a poo on somebody’s doorstep how embarrassing! thanks mum for sharing that. She also likes to tell me of the time when I went to my godparents sons Michael’s christening, apparently I had over heard someone saying that Micheal’s grandfather was a bit of a bugger and apparently I strolled up to him at church ( a Catholic Church in fact) I must’ve been all of three years old and took great delight of telling this old chap in a loud voice that he was a right bugger!what a Proud daughter moment that must have been.

it’s amazing what children do you come out with because I remember Louise one time I was on the bus going into town and a young man got on with dreadlocks and sat in front us and Louise is such a loud voice shouts “poo eee mummy his hair smells “ I’m really Didnt know where to put myself! what’s the saying “out of the mouth of babes” well I’m sure we’ve all had times or been told of times where we’ve Had either our children embarrassed.

After my sister was born we moved to Bramley in Hampshire and we lived here until I was about six and I remember going to the local primary school and remember they would have a massive fireworks display on bonfire night. now this is where my parents split up unfortunately it wasn’t a amicable split either, my mum actually had an affair with next door but one Neighbour (and in my eyes I think there was a little bit of wife swapping but not in the contents you think) what happened was my mum fell for the next door but one neighbour and when my father and his wife found our about it, it forced his wife and my dad together because they had to sort things out. They got together and are in fact still together today and I have a half-brother with them. so I remember that we moved out from one house in Bramley next door but one to the other house in Bramley and this is where my life could’ve changed completely as I do remember my mum saying to me  who would I like to live with my mum or my dad I don’t think that was fair as at the age of 5 years old of course I wanted to be with my mum so I made the decision to live with my mum. gosh how different my life would’ve been if I’d gone off and lived with my dad but I made the most of it and this is the life that I have this is the life that I can blog about.

unfortunately the relationship between my mother and this man didn’t last so we actually sold up and we moved to Ashford in Kent which is where my grandparents lived at the time, so we moved to be near them and I do remember that we stayed with them quite a while until my mum found a nice house and she did,she found a lovely cottage it was only two bedrooms and  it was Barryhill cottages in Ashford.  my grandparents lived in West well Lane’s in Ashford so it was still close enough That I could get on my bike and ride to see my grandparents which was good and it was something that I like to do quite a lot as my mum and I didn’t get on I was my father’s daughter I reminded her of my father quite a lot where as when my parents split my sister was two years old so she didn’t really remember my father but I was six and I do remember him. I did spend a lot of time with my grandparents and my grandmother (I think I’ve said before in my blog she was my mother figure) she was the one that gave the cuddles and the love unfortunately my mother wasn’t maternal at all and she did struggle with this and like I have hinted before she struggled with mental illness and at this stage I think we were sheltered from a lot of her mental illness and it wasn’t until later life in our 40s (my sister and I)that we have discovered how much we were sheltered from it but that’s another blog.

so I lived in Ashford until 2003 when we relocated to Waddington Lincoln, up north as they say and I did wonder why Gary had brought us to this part of England(apart from his promotion) as all the roads had red road crash warnings and I honestly thought when I first arrived this is where I will be killed! Until moving here I didn’t realise I had an accent, don’t get me wrong I know people do have accents but when everyone talks like you don’t notice it. I also didn’t know there was such a north south divide either and it was quite a shock, and sorry to say especially when viewing houses the decor seemed to behind what was going on “down south” so it was a bit of an eye opener. I also found it to be very cold even though it was only about 2-3 degrees different it was a lot for me and waiting in the school playground with the mums in t-shirts and me with a thick cardigan I think you could tell who was the “southern softy”.

with the accents I was always being told you are a cockney, no actually you have to be born in London under the sound of the bow bells and I am from Kent A whole different place, oh you must do all your shopping in London, er no why would I travel 1.5hrs to shop when we had perfectly good shops in Ashford, then the best one “you must have tea with the queen?” Why on earth would I have tea with the queen, why would she even know who I was! Then there’s cobs,baps and barns what the hell! I visited out local Curtis bakery and asked for a “bacon roll” (simple I thought but no) “do you mean a sausage roll” “no a bacon roll” “oh we don’t don’t do bacon in pastry!” “No bacon in a bread roll” “oh you mean a bacon bap” oh yes silly me a bacon bap, we have baps with burgers but I wasn’t going to confuse things.  With this new found knowledge that rolls were baps, I started work in Newark(which at the time i didnt know was in Nottinghamshire not Lincolnshire)and went to the sandwich van and proudly asked for a “bacon bap” to get the reply “do you mean a bacon cob?” A bacon cob what’s a cob for goodness sake, it’s a type of horse isn’t it, but no I stand corrected in Nottinghamshire is a bread roll!! And don’t get me started on the scrumps/scraps(crispy batter bits in the fish and chip shop) or that you have fish,chip and kebab shops combined and the whole Barth/bath grass/grass glarss/Glass debate.

but do you know what you wouldn’t  meet more friendly,kind and respectful people in England(in my experience) they would do anything for you even though they do speak a bit funny! Xx

Make lemonade

I don’t know if it’s that I am not feeling well at the moment I have blocked sinuses and laryngitis, but I feel like life is giving lemons. Do you ever have a time when you think to yourself it seems to be one thing after another, and then look at other people and think their lives seem so much better. I know that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side but sometimes it would be nice to experience that lush green grass! Gosh I seem to be quoting a lot of cliches but I feel my life is in limbo waiting for my operation date.

I remember when I told family and friends that I had to give up work their reactions were of that it was going to be this marvellous thing, lie ins,lunches and coffee mornings. But they couldn’t have been more wrong(don’t get me wrong to a certain degree there is the latter)it’s trying to get the motivation to get up in the morning the housework that can wait for another day as you have all week to do it. Then especially at my age not fitting into a group too old to be with the mums and toddlers as yours have grown, too young for older people as your not even 50 and then your friends are at work! So here you are trying to know where you fit in in the world.

So upon moving to Bottesford I thought how great it was to come to a village with so much going on. I joined the craft group and met a lovely group of ladies (of which I now call many my friends) who made me feel welcome, I am not much of a drawer or painter but I like to try things and sometimes we get very creative. Through the craft group I found The faith group, a group of ladies that meet to support each other and spend time with God, yes I am a Christian but I am not a bible basher(which I have been called and I remember coming back from church at where we used to live and our next door neighbour being outside and asking where had we been so early on a Sunday morning and when we replied church he physically took a step back!) I enjoy going but I am not here to preach or force my beliefs on others unless you want to know more. I might blog our testimony on how John and I came to Christ but that’s it.

But I wanted to join the book club of which the village had three but when I called to join was told that two were full and the third did have a vacancy(first apparently in 7 years!) So a lovely lady came to see me but unfortunately it wasn’t for me as my friends and family know I like to chat and have a laugh I didn’t want to have to write a essay about the book I wanted it to be more of a group of friends. So I decided to set up my own book club so Women,wine & words was born and too my delight we have 12 members and have been running for nearly three years now. Now this is where I have to confess I love my book club the ladies are fantastic and we have had some great meetings(in the local pub) but if you ask me how many of the books I have read out of the 28 books we have chosen. well are you ready I have read 1 in the month I should have read it, watched the film version of another, when it came to my choice I chose something I had already read! So truthfully just 1 yes you read right. But my ladies are fantastic about it and we do have a laugh.


Another beautiful day in Bottesford

372B81E1-D5D1-4F80-9CAD-160225DD42F9My poor hubby is so fed up now he has had to repaint the front door as we didn’t like the colour he painted it yesterday. We brought this green gloss from Wilko but it wasn’t nice so thankfully I had brought some Black for the front step so he used it to go over the green. As we are on a budget we decided to up cycle the door furniture(apparently that’s what you call the letter box, lock etc)and brought some silver spray paint and went over them with that and honestly it came up really well, so we how have a lovely new up cycled  front door. We still need to scrape the paint off the glass but I think it looks good. Some people say why do you spend money on a rental property but at the end of the day it’s our home so we want it to look nice plus if it was anything major our landlord would help out.

I don’t know if it was because we moved three times in two years but it took a while for are new house to feel like home, it wasn’t even really down to the decoration(even though that has helped)I think it was because our move was due to necessity rather than choice. But now it feels like home and slowly we are decorating it our way, I love watching vlogs to get decoration ideas and seeing what other people have in their houses.

Well I need to be honest I started this blog on Sunday and it’s now Tuesday but we have had a busy couple of days with the grandsons and making the most of the weather. And also if you were wondering why I hadn’t said anything about my weight loss journey, well as you know I have recently had some blood tests so I am now on the waiting list, so when I have my operation date I will start with my weight loss journey blog, plus I am thinking of doing a vlog as well(would love to know your thoughts). Now this will be a challenge for me as even though I like to chat (those who know me no what I mean) I not very confident when it comes to my body and how I look, not just that I am over weight but my looks have changed over the years and sometimes I don’t recognise myself in the mirror! But I will do it as I would like vlog how it really is having Gastric Bypass surgery, that it’s not the easy option, the ups the downs warts and all(no I don’t have warts).

So Sunday evening we had a lovely bbq at Emma’s with the boys it was nice seeing them enjoying the weather, Oliver loved playing i a washing up bowl of water(couldn’t find the paddling pool) sometimes it’s the simple things that make them the happiest. Monday we relaxed and did some gardening both in Emma’s garden and ours, I am not really into gardening but I do like it to look nice, I would rather have hanging baskets and tubs less weeding that way. At the moment we are sorting out a new lawn, so all the top is off and John has watched a video on YouTube on how to lay a lawn by Alan Titchmarsh, so we are all set(unfortunately my lovely hubby isn’t very DIY minded or really know what he is doing when it comes to garden, not that I am Charlie Dimmock)so just need the turf. So now it’s Tuesday and we are still having lovely weather, and I have met up with a friend for a coffee and catch up and now I am off to sort some more things to put on eBay, enjoy the weather guys blog soon x


A lovely sunny day in May

Well today is a lovely day in Bottesford, so I wanted to tell you a bit about where I live. We moved to Bottesford which is in the Vale of Belvoir(pronounced beaver don’t ask I find it weird too but I am from Kent originally so they think I am a cockney go figure)in 2015 and we have liked Bottesford for a while and we had friends that live in the village, so had visited many times, it’s quite an affluent village and the house prices are quite high as we have a station with direct links to Grantham and Nottingham which have links into London(about 1 hr) so we decided to rent in the village as that was really the only way of getting into the village. So we rented out of house in Lincoln and had the opportunity to rent a lovely cottage on just on the edge of the village and we actually downsize to a two bedroom and it was lovely.

Now anybody that lives in the village will know that village life is hard to get used because everybody knows everybody,everybody knows what you up to but to a certain degree that’s quite nice because if you’re not well or you’re having a hard time you know you have friends and neighbours around you and I wouldn’t change it for the world I love living in Bottesford. I’ve made some lovely friends there are lots to do here and it’s lovely village we have a beautiful church,two pubs, lots of eateries, co-op,spar shop(it’s the select convenience really but every knows it’s as the spar shop) two doctors surgeries, a dentist, pre-school,primary school and high school so everything that you need plus our very own dump! The only thing that’s a little bit weird is Bottesford is part of Leicestershire but we have a Nottinghamshire postcode and our GPs are Lincolnshire so sometimes it can get a little bit confusing but the best thing was because our GPs in Lincolnshire so I can continue going to Derby Hospital for my bariatric appointments,I didn’t have to reschedule and go onto a different waiting-list and start the process all over again.

So we settled into our lovely cottage and village life and then Emma and Oliver (then 6 months old) came back to live at home, so our little cottage was a bit over crowded, we had the smallest bedroom and Emma with Oliver shared the master bedroom, it then to our surprise Emma was pregnant with baby two. Now this was a surprise as emma was being treated for a ovarian cyst, as pregnancy tests had come back negative and this was the only other explanation until a blood test came back positive for her being pregnant(don’t know where the awkward pregnancies come from ha ha) so the cyst turned out to be three weeks early 6lb 11oz (that birth weight sounds familiar and three weeks early mmm) little boy baby Richard.

Now in Bottesford people love it so much that they tend to move about in the village according to their needs, so we moved to a bigger three bed house at the other end of the village, thank fully we moved in just before Baby Richard arrived. We were sad the leave our cottage and our lovely landlord, but needs must. Emma loves the village as well and is really settled now, unfortunately she suffered from post natal depression after Oliver which goes hand in hand with anxiety, so it made sense for us all to live together. But not long after moving our previous landlord called as he has a few properties in the village and asked if we would like to rent his three bed house which would you believe it was next door but one to where we had moved to, so after think over night we decided that John and I would move next door but one and emma would stay with the boys in the new house and that’s what we did.

We now live in Granny & Grandads house(yes we have this on the name plague) next door but one to March House where Emma and boys live, and it works, it really works for us, Chris the neighbour in between is pleased as she keeps the same neighbours and because we are tucked in the corner of a col-d-sac Oliver can walk(as long as mummy and Grandad are at the front doors) to our house, which he loves to do.


My pregnancy story with Emma Jane

As you must be able to tell by now I don’t do things easily so when I found out I was pregnant with Emma the worry was that again I was about 6 months pregnant as I found out on my birthday so the 2nd of June but hadnt had a period since the January. Now I put this down to being overweight and that since having Louise my periods have been erratic so it came as a complete shock when they sent me for my ultrasound scan to be told that I was actually only eight weeks pregnant,so unlike being pregnant with Louise ( finding out in the January Then having her in the May) this pregnancy was going to be long(I know the normal time for some)

As I had a C section with Louise I decided that maybe natural birth wasn’t for me so I wanted to have another C section so again I went and saw my lovely consultant Mr Stuart who has such a way with words so upon me asking for a section his reply was  “you’re more likely to come out of the hospital in a box than go out of the hospital holding a baby” how he thought this was going to reassure me I don’t know but as usual it did nothing to calm my fears, so here I was thinking oh my word what if I have to have a C section if the labour didn’t progress ??? he did explain to me that if I was to have a C section after being in labour they class that as a emergency section and “it’s all in the word emergency so it would be an emergency whether I was a skinny mini or 10 ton Tessie” again he has such a way with words. anyway he did say that I could only have a trail by scar labour,as apparently the C-section starcan only with stand up to 7 hours of labour so, at the most I was going to have seven hours of labour.

thankfully but both my pregnancies have been really good I didn’t suffer with morning sickness I didn’t get swollen ankles I know is in hospital for about five weeks With Louise on bed rest but I think that was more to do with stress, shock and everything that was going on at the time and the  circumstances rather than with my pregnancy.  but with Emma nothing, cravings were sausages chips and beans loved the smell of the fish mongers so much so by this time I was working and I was running a shop in Hythe Kent called Granada TV rentals and I would have to walk past the fish mongers to get to the shop and I must admit most lunchtime towards the end of my pregnancy I would could be found outside the fish mongers,they always invited me in but no I was only there for the smell.

So both pregnancies were quite uneventful really the only other thing was because I was so large (again I was super morbidly obese)  the doctor told me that actually I wouldn’t  put that much weight on with being pregnant as the baby would eat my fat reserves and to be honest I only put on 12 lb which is really quite good but the sad thing was I didn’t actually look pregnant I just look fatter sometimes I wish I could wear a T-shirt that said I’m actually eight months pregnant and not this fat

Emma decided that she was quite comfy where she was so she was due on the 12th  of January and she turned out to be five days late so what’s really weird is she ends up being born on the 17th of January and Louise was born on the 17th of May both the girls were born on the 17th of the month now this is where it gets a little bit weirder you see I was born on the 2nd of the month and Gary was born on the 15th of the month so you add 15 and 2 together and you get 17 just a little weird Fact about our family for you.  I remember the night before helping Gary to put things up in the loft and we had a Kentucky fried chicken for tea now normally I must admit I do usually get an upset tummy from KFC (but it’s finger licking good!). so in the morning and it was a Sunday morning I thought I must just have an upset tummy again so I didn’t think that I was in labour anyway eventually I thought to myself there is more to this than an upset tummy and at the time unfortunately Gary was out of work so I house phone was incoming calls only so poor Gary had to go round to the phone box call my mother (which you’re now know from previous blogs he didn’t like  her) and ask if she could look after the Louise while we went up to the hospital to see what was going on.

we arranged to drop Louise off at my mum’s and made our way up to the hospital to be told that yes I was in the early stages of labour so they put me on the maternity ward and attached a tens machine to help with the contractions,but all it seemed to do was give me electric shocks and made things 10 times worse.  my sister came up to keep us company so I’m on the bed having these contractions my sister and Gary are paying cards whilst eating chocolate’s that were bought for me but anyway it was a bit of a laugh and it kept my mind off the contractions. so then I felt that they were getting worse so I had to walk round to the delivery suite on my way round we came across Gloria’s next door neighbour and Bless her she had stopped to see how I was but I had a major contraction and I had to lean on her for about five minutes but she helped me to the delivery suite which was good.  I laid on the bed and all of a sudden all of these midwives Came rushing in, (my midwife was standing at the end of my bed)and said is everything ready can’t you hear your lady is pushing I had no idea that I was pushing already. Then all of a sudden I hear this high-pitched voice “hello hello” it was my mother she had come to relieve Gary so that he could go home and have a Sunday dinner because she thought I would be in labour a long time like I was with Louise, so I was pushing and had my mother in there which is exactly what I didn’t want but  in for a penny in for a pound.

well I’m not one of these mothers that want the baby put on to their tummy all gooey no I want the baby to be washed first I am sorry but I can’t do it.  my two daughters who had brilliant births and with Emma I had the privilege of being there when Oliver was born and she was absolutely brilliant and she loved the fact that Oliver was put onto her tummy and she had the skin to skin contact. so I thought to myself if I keep my eyes closed then I wouldn’t see the mess or any of the messy bits so I kept my eyes closed and I thought I could push harder with my eyes closed but the midwife just kept saying to me To open my eyes and then my mother was going on at me about opening my eyes as well to the point where the midwife asked if my mother was a retired midwife before she could reply Gary pipes up “no she’s just very bossy”.

well like with Louise the baby was getting into distress,they started prepping me for a C section but the doctor said that she would try to  use forceps first so they injected me (obviously down below ) and I had to be cut and I’m sure they didn’t even get the forceps in as she was out before they even had chance to use them. she was born so quickly (3 hrs 20 minutes in total) that she came out and had a poo which splattered all up the wall and all over the Doctor Who was assisting the birth Gary had the first cuddle because yes I will admit it I was disappointed that she was a girl and I’m sure Emma will take great delight if she ever does a blog or vlog telling everyone that I actually didn’t hold her until I got back on the ward,and this isn’t because I didn’t love her of course I loved her and I love her to bits but I was disappointed that I hadn’t given Gary a boy and the saddest thing was also that his surname would stop with him as he was an only child. so on Sunday 17th of January 1993 Emma Jane before weighing 8 lb 4 oz

A mixed day is May

Just like the weather today has been a mix of not feeling well, hubby to the doctors Granny duties and volunteering. I am sat here all wrapped up as I feel so cold and think I am getting the flu, my poor hubby has been bad with it for the last couple of weeks and today went to the doctors as had an awful night coughing, and poor thing has a chest infection so off work for the next few days and on antibiotics.

As I suffer from seasonal asthma So i could have had the flu jab, but I find that when I have had it I get a really bad cold that usually leads to a chest infection(which unfortunately I am very prone to)so I decided not to have it this time, so fingers cross it’s just a bad cold and not flu. Should explain about the seasonal asthma, I gave up smoking in 2007 and omg I was so ill it took about a year to feel better and in that time I had a barking cough and chest infection after chest infection which left me with asthma. I suffer more during cold and hay fever season hence seasonal asthma, it’s worth it to have given up smoking.

Granny duties today were nice ones, we went to Emma’s(youngest daughters) for breakfast and we took the boys to the local park to play on the slide and swings. Both boys really enjoyed themselves so much, especially Baby Richard who is 8 months  old and crawling so the freedom was amazing for him, so lots of squeals and laughed. I posted a couple of videos on my Instagram, yes I am on Instagram so follow me on @lululee07

Then when we came home I did my volunteer job which is for Dove Cottage Hospice, I am a eBay coordinator, I list items that would get more money than if being sold in the shops on eBay, photograph the items, research them to see how much they are worth and then list them and I must say I love it. Anita is in charge of the eBay team and she is really good at the China, jewellery and other bits and my specialty is shoes,clothes and handbags. I can work from home which is really good for me as some days I struggle with my fibromyalgia, so I can list them at my own pace.

So that’s it really for today, sorry if this blog is boring but to be honest I am not feeling 100% back on form tomorrow, need to do my youngest daughters birth story.

Well I did it and put it out there!

Today I decided to share my blog with Facebook and Instagram, which was a big step for me as I didn’t know if I wanted people I know reading my blog, as it’s already public anyway I took the plunge and just did it. I am new to this and it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but it’s my life and what I am going through, read it don’t read it but please be gentle with me, some pointers would be gratefully received.

This title reminds me of the last time “I put it out there”which is how I met my second husband John so hopefully I will have the same good experience(not that I want a new hubby I am happy with the one I have). So it’s 2005 and Gary and I have separated, he’s moved on already and living around the corner with “my best friend”(yes another blog idea) and I am at home with my two daughters thinking that nobody would want a big bird like me! But one day my oldest daughter Louise comes home from her boyfriends with the lonely hearts Column of the local newspaper, and puts it under my nose and points to an advert which a man has put stating that he was looking for a chubby/cuddly woman, “see Mum there is men out there that like big women” well I didn’t answer the advert but it did get me thinking. So I decided that I would place an advert, but I wasn’t going to reply to any adverts, a way of protecting myself from getting hurt, laughed at and let down. But if they replied to my advert, and heard my voicemail explaining about me then I would “put myself out there”.

So after lots of drafts I finally put an advert in the lonely hearts column, and waited to see if I got any replies, and I was quite shocked as I had a few. The way it worked is they put a typed advert in the column and attach a phone number to the advert and you can record a voicemail that people who are interested can listen to and if they like leave a message. So after work I sat down with a glass of wine and listened to may possible matches, I had a few and then voice left a message saying his name was John, he sounded nice the message was a bit rushed though, the next message John again as he thought he had rushed the last message, the next message John again as he ran out of time last time and wanted to add some things, next message John again he had forgotten to leave his telephone, by this time I was laughing my head off listening to this man called John making a right tit of himself! But he had made me laugh which I hadn’t done in a long time, so I decided he would be the first one that I would call back.

So a top up of the wine glass and a deep breath and I call John, well we weren’t off the phone calling each other for next two weeks solid, I remember getting my mobile phone bill and it being more that my mortgage payment! Thankfully at the time I was working for Vodafone so I did get a few perks with the job. After two weeks it came to the point that should we actually meet each other, so we made a plan to meet at his local pub in the village he lived in. I was so nervous and I remember Louise helping me to get ready and I burst into tears, as even thought we had only been chatting, I feel like I am cheating on Gary, but Louise reassured me and points out the he isn’t sitting around the corner with the other woman crying that he’s hurting me! Wise word and the push I needed.

Now I don’t know if you believe in love at first sight, well I do as when I first met Gary a voice in my head told me that I would marry him one day and when I first saw John walking towards me the same voice piped up and said I would marry him one day, and on the 24th March 2007 that’s exactly what I did. Now the two years in between wasn’t easy and we had our slip ups but at the end of the day we knew were meant to be together, and when in 2009 I was told I had to give up work due to my illnesses I burst into tears in front of the doctor who said “it’s going to be ok” “no you don’t understand it’s not the illnesses it’s just that I am so grateful that I am married to John now and not Gary as I know he will take care of me” and he does, and makes me laugh everyday he’s the love of life and he’s has his moments but I wouldn’t change him for the world.