This blog is about marriage, about my marriages, my opinions, how I make/made it work. It’s in no way a reflection on other people’s marriages, as all marriages are different, and I am not trying to say that is you follow these tips your marriage will be a happy one, as that’s really down to you, and my marriages haven’t been happier than people who didn’t follow them, it’s just what I found that made my marriages happy. So please don’t think I am judging, and any tips you may have would be gratefully received.
Having been married twice I sometimes get asked what is the secret to a good marriage, well me having done it twice doesn’t exactly mean I no it other wise I would be still married to my first hubby, but I suppose I do have nearly 30 years(combined) of being married experience.
All marriages have there good, bad and ugly times and I have certainly been through quite a few. I first got married at 19 years old which in today’s standards is quite young, plus I did have a nearly one year old daughter as well, go my hubby and I learnt as we went along really, but I would say that our greatest strength was communication. So I would say my first tip for a good marriage would be communication.
Communication(gosh I like typing that word) is very important as if all else fails talk to each other. Both my hubbies, have always been my best friends, the one that I share everything with, even sometimes when a girl friend asks can you not say anything to anyone I usually always say, the only person I would tell is my hubby. Now that isn’t betraying my friend(just being honest)it’s just that when(just like a child)you are told not to say anything you are dying to say something so telling your hubby is harmless,especially as typically as men do they are never listening anyway. We would talk about everything and talk everything through,but unfortunately my second hubby didn’t come with good communication skill, but thankfully these can be taught, he’s still not the greatest but he is getting there and a marriage is an on going process and I am getting good at recognising when he need to talk or is bottling something up. Now I would say communication leads onto my next tip, never go to sleep on a argument.
Never go to sleep on a argument, always see an agreement to at least some conclusion whether you agree to disagree or you manage to sort it out. Going to sleep on a argument is the worse thing,you never know what the other is thinking, usually you both don’t get a good nights sleep and it makes it last another day where things can get twisted and blown out of control. So please try not to go to sleep on an agreement, now this leads to number three, always kiss goodnight/goodbye.
Always kiss goodnight/goodbye, this one was told to me by my first mother in law and she was totally right(in my opinion)and I am grateful for this advice. This one is quite simple really but not always the easiest especially when the pressures of life, school runs,babies and work get in the way. Even if you don’t go to bed at the same time always give a kiss good night, when leaving the house even if just to walk the dog or go to the shops give a kiss goodbye(this tip is also really nice as you get a few kisses during the day), now the reason, that might be the last time you see that person, morbid I know but very true and I think it all started when the men went off to war and the women didn’t know when their men would be or if they would come home. This also leads to number four(any you will be glad to hear my final tip) always say I Love You at least once a day or as my hubby does,he tells me every time he kisses me goodnight/goodbye.
Saying I Love You at least once a day, now I will be honest this one is the most important one to me personally and I think that stems from not being told I was loved as I grew up and actually my mother has only told me in the last few years that she loves me(it’s only taken 45 years). Sometimes it’s hard to get caught up with daily life and take for granted that because you are married that you love each other, but there is nothing like hearing those words I Love You. So yes that would be my final tip, I don’t really have a list of tips it’s just made up from advice passed down and learning as you go.